The new PM referred to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson as a "vegetable", dubbed Jeremy Corbyn a "complete imbecile", and snogged a man in a Ronald Reagan mask.
Mr Johnson only worsened his ordeal as he said he wanted to "simplify Syria", "tackle issues around the former Egypt" and "put the Shah back into Persia".
Political correspondent James Knochenmus said: “Unfortunately, we live in an age where dressing like a minstrel will go down terribly; Melania should know that.”
Temperatures are expected to exceed around 100,000,000C, with locals warned to wear plenty of sun tan lotion and hide in the bathtub with a mattress on top of them.
Once they're done yammering away, MPs will decide whether to renew the penis-shaped nuclear arsenal, scrap it and sell it to the North Koreans or dump it on the Welsh.
It comes hot on the heels of comments by Sir Nicholas Macpherson, former Treasury economist and indy opponent, who said last week: "If I were Scotland, I'd be like, 'fuck it'."
The Skynet mainframe acts as a deterrent to foreign threats at the point of cyborg-spearheaded annihilation, as well as keeping the population in line.
The film tells the story of four women who are able to hunt and destroy ghosts, which sexists have claimed is "poor writing" and "full of huge plot holes".
Today's survey showed that 64.2% of British people think that Mrs May should not not be able to continue unchecked, while 68.7% support the cessation of polls.
Journalists have sought to reassure members of the public that they are no happier with the situation than they are, but most can no longer speak in complete sentences due to sleep deprivation.
Facts have shown the newly appointed Environment Secretary just cannot help making broad, generalising statements, despite everyone telling her she is wrong.
Jeremy 'Indy' Hiscock explained that the necropolis matched information shared by Plato, despite previous interpretations suggesting the city was a “crock of horseshit”.
Reliance on inoffensive topics has resulted in the increased popularity of vapid talking points, such as “whether Darth Vader is in the new Star Wars movie".
"It's grossly hypocritical for someone like me, who has publicly put such stock in family values and in opposing sexual deviancy, to then go and try and cheat on my wife with a human being."
It preceded a quick succession of movements in the Scottish Court, which saw Patrick Harvie crowned King of the Midge, and Alex Salmond proclaimed one of five Guardians of Scotland.
Fuhrman said: “I've been called a lot of things since the Brentwood case – jive turkey, bitch ass honky, milk cracker, Mark Fuhrer – but I've learned that black lives really do matter.”
After an ugly exchange, Mrs May said: “YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF MY NUKES, HALF-PINT!”, to which Mrs Sturgeon defiantly replied: “Goan make me, soft shite.”
Rodgers was bullish as he claimed: "The boys showed a lot of character out there today – it's just frustrating that the character in question was David Brent."
There was an almost whimsical feeling at Downing Street, the gloom lifted by the wry historical footnote that David Cameron gave a cat full blown aides.
Four party leaders from the UK have teamed up in a blockbuster movie, which will see the leaders battling against the dusty ghouls of the establishment.
The remarks came after Leadsom released a statement saying she was irate that a newspaper had reported exactly what she had said in a recorded interview.
Wales' manager, squad, fans and legion of illegitimate offspring will now have to go home as there's no more balls to foot and no more matches to game.
The Daily Belter 