Downing Street cat given aides by departing Cameron

Larry the cat, famous four-legged occupant of 10 Downing Street, will be staying in the ministerial residence in his civil service role, and has been given feline aides by outgoing Conservative leader David Cameron.

Originally tasked with solving a rodent problem at the UK’s most famous house, Larry now has contracted aides from Cameron’s parting gift, which civil servant Clive Suet has said will help Larry catch various ailments besetting new leader Theresa May.

Suet, who originally selected tabby cat Larry for the post of ‘chief mouser’, told an amused press gathering that “before [Larry] kills them, he plays around with them a bit first. That’s why he now has aides.”

This reward has coined a new catchphrase in the civil service – “catch shit, get aides” – and will put Larry in good stead with new housemate May, whose political activism contributed to the rise and revolutionising of aides in the 1980s.

Mrs May said: “David is an animal lover, he’s proven that on numerous occasions in ways we’ve all seen and read, and giving Larry aides is yet another example of just how fond he is of them.

“It also shows just how important Larry is as a part of the furniture, and I’m really looking forward to getting to know him and seeing his aides develop.”

Mrs May is currently Prime Minister in waiting after David Cameron announced his resignation on Monday, her position as leader of the Conservative party confirmed when general mother and homophobia apologist Andrea Leadsom bowed out of the race to “spend time with children May has no stake in”.

This followed unsuccessful attempts at the leadership by four other candidates, as Michael Gove proved to be a funny-faced failure, Stephen Crabb scuttled away sideways, Liam Fox was snared by unimpressed charisma hunters and Cthulhu dropped out to renew hostilities with Hastur, Lord of the Interstellar Spaces, as they both apply to be the new Lazio manager.

During a period of political instability in the wake of Brexit, there was an almost whimsical feeling at Downing Street, the gloom lifted slightly by the wry historical footnote that David Cameron gave a cat full blown aides.

Cameron said: “Larry has been great company for the last five years, and I’d contemplated giving him some feline aides before, but it had never seemed appropriate, and so now I’m leaving I can relax and do some of the things I wanted to do before.

“I wish Theresa all the luck in the world, and all the luck due to Larry as well, for the battle he’s going to face – he’ll need it.”

He then added: “Doo, doo, doo doo. Right. Good.”