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Rees Mogg claims he “wouldn’t have left trench” in WWI

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been widely criticised after he claimed that he would have “rejected the advice of high command” and “wouldn’t have left the trench” if he was fighting in the First World War.

He had been asked for his thoughts on the loss of life in the conflict as the 101st anniversary of Armistice Day was marked.

The Leader of the House of Commons said: “Well, the first thing to say is that I wouldn’t have left the trench. Non ego operor illud. It is rather quite clear to me that this would be the wrong course of action and would turn everyone into tiny little pieces of offal in no man’s land.

“Were I there, I would have rejected the advice of high command and insisted on a new and preferable strategy, one where we easily located a young Adolf Hitler and extirpated him.

“This way we would have avoided the great financial toll of the Second World War. It simply seems like common sense.”

THEY SHALL NOT GROW OLD

Rees-Mogg added that “playing football with the enemy should really be a sackable offence.”

The comments have been described as “insensitive” and “ignorant”, and come hot on the heels of Rees-Mogg’s claim that he would have incapacitated the Grenfell fire with a rider’s crop, but was “too sensible to be there in the first place.”

Brexit hard man Steve Baker has moved to defend Rees-Mogg for his comments, saying: “Well, he is right. Maybe if Jacob had been in charge not as many of us commoners would have died. Sorry, m’lord, I’ve gone done lost your crop again.”

But the response to the multi-millionaire’s comments have been predominantly negative, with even fellow Brexiter Nigel Farage claiming that Rees-Mogg has revealed himself to be “bad for Blighty” and “an obvious remoaner stooge.”

The LBC host said: “Remarks like that, doubting the High Command, that’s bad for Blighty. Jacob has revealed himself to be a bad cuppa and an obvious remoaner stooge. Doesn’t he realise that no man’s land could be the no-strings attached, clean break from the trench that we all need?”

Asked for comment by The Daily Belter, Prime Minister Boris Johnson provided a short statement in which he said: “Oh fiddlestick, you’re after, oh all of you, all the press. After him, after Jacob. He’s a good spiff, he’s got your number. Druff. Zulus everywhere.”

About Scott Malcolm Patterson (81 Articles)
Writer. Reader. Some other stuff. Dissembling.

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