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Farage offers stood-down candidates chance to “double their money”

Eurosceptic MEP Nigel Farage has offered Brexit Party candidates withdrawn from the 2019 General Election a chance to “double their money” by each bringing in investment from five friends who also “want a proper British Brexit.”

He explained in an interview with The Daily Belter that the unilateral withdrawal of hundreds of his own Brexit Party candidates in Conservative-contested seats was simply part of a wider operation to “bring prosperity and richness to Brexit” and to “give regular old Joes a chance to chip in.”

The LBC host and former-city trader had been widely criticised after telling journalist Eddie Mair that “of course” he would not give his candidates refunds, despite charging them each £25 to join the party and a further £100 to be considered as a candidate.

These criticisms were only compounded when it emerged that Boris Johnson had offered Mr Farage a peerage and deeds to the holdings of Harrenhal.

But Mr Farage clarified his position when speaking to our political correspondent Hans Wringing, insisting that the withdrawal is “part of a much wider, much bigger, company-wide scheme that will really get Brexit off the ground and give regular old Joes a chance to chip in.”


Co-head Richard Tice denied claims that Brexit Party HQ is officially located in Malta.

He said: “The Brexit Party is all about democracy, and we’re committed to delivering the will of the people, and, I ask, what better way to do that then to let them enact it themselves? That is the epitome of independence, of sovereignty, of the bulldog British Dunkirk spirit.

“So those candidates who have been pulled back, to fight another day in another battle like Agincourt or maybe Hastings, can double their money by finding five friends and fellow Brexiteers who want a proper British Brexit, there’s 17.4 million to choose from, it’s very straightforward.

“They just need to find them, get them to invest in our brilliant future, and then we will all double our money and more. We bring prosperity and richness to Brexit, and that makes even old Bob down the grocer’s wealthy. We all have a cuppa, we sing the national anthem, bing bang bosh.”

Mr Farage abruptly terminated the interview when Wringing noted the similarity between his strategy and a pyramid scheme, muttering “I don’t look like a fucking Pharaoh, do I?” before storming out of our Belter Bubble Suite©.

Brexit Party election communications chief Jack Irvine also left the luxury perspex dormitory, saying that “Nige is trying to bring about good democracy, and you’re just ruining it by asking lots of questions.”

The Daily Belter later received a message from Mr Farage stating that any further interviews would “cost £10,000 per hour,” and that we were welcome to “financially contribute” to a “clean break Brexit and a lovely independent future.”

About Scott Malcolm Patterson (83 Articles)
Writer. Reader. Some other stuff. Dissembling.

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