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Trump attacks Black Moon as ‘most disgusting satellite in Solar System’

US president Donald Trump has launched an incendiary attack on tonight’s Black Supermoon as a “probe and golf ball-infested mess” and the “most disgusting planetary satellite in the Solar System, and in the known Universe, that’s on record”.

Launching into a Twitter tirade in the early hours of Wednesday, he accused the moon of being “SNEAKY” by being so dark it is practically invisible to the naked eye.

Trump suggested that “instead of darkening our sky and making our stars shine too brightly”, the moon should “focus on cleaning up the landers, rocket parts, US flags and astronaut shit in its own district!!!”

The US president is thought to have sprung into action after watching a Fox News segment which suggested the Black Moon was likely to provide extra cover for petty criminals in inner cities.

He tweeted: “Unbelievable Black Moone! How can you believe? It’s bringing drugs. It’s bringing crime. It’s a rapist. And some, I assume, are good moons.

“I have a gravity drive. It was built by a divine.

“They say this Moone will basically ‘Disappear’! SNEAKY! And I hear it’s a disgusting HOLE. They say it’s a lunar probe and golf ball-infested mess. And so many POTHOLES!

“Maybe if this so-called ‘Moone’ (fake) spent less time in our sky and more time in its own sky maybe it could help clean up this VERY dangerous & filthy place that NASA can’t control. HOLE!”

The rare celestial event, which takes place roughly once every 29 months, looks set to become the latest battleground in the US culture war ahead of the 2020 presidential election.

Democratic contenders including Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harris have leapt on Trump’s latest rant, with Warren tweeting: “More space racism from POTUS. Had no prob when the moon was white, now it’s a hole. Lunarcy. Re-election will be a moontain he can’t climb.”

The Black Moon will not be visible to stargazers in the UK until next month, giving Prime Minister Boris Johnson time to form a remark about how lunar diversity means it is now possible to see the moon’s eyes and teeth.

About Hans Wringing (7 Articles)
Paid-up member of the new liberal intelligentsia

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