In an open letter, they vowed a complete shutdown of all satirical outlets 'until such a time as Dick Braine either changes his name, or we receive compensation'.
English television comedian Dom Joly has revealed he has been playing a character called “Boris Johnson” for fifteen years, with the comic stunt culminating in
Theresa May ensured working conditions would be "satisfactory", but that for the good of the "all-seeing eye" it was necessary to move forward with the greater industrialisation of towns and cities to feed the British Empire.
Police were alerted to a man of indescribable ordinariness wandering through the Swiss Alps, reportedly attempting to convince people he was recognisable.
Outrage and shock that she would be outrageous and shocking has been diluted by confusion over why “big fans of inflatables” wouldn't have inflatables.
Hammond said: "Sometimes we need a little helping hand getting over life's obstacles. We can repay this loan in three manageable steps; that's Wongability.”
'Whoever smelt dealt it' was most frequently used by the creator of the odorous rectal outburst, validating the thesis 'whoever made the rhyme did the crime'.
A leaked honours list drawn up by giant cumquat and former prime minister David Cameron has revealed his plans to give some kind of honour to pretty much everyone, but definitely not you.
The innovative new business model comes as the Guardian prepares to announce a record full-year pre-tax loss of £173 million - money which it could have otherwise used to feed starving African children.
The Daily Mail has admitted that not everything it claims as Britain-hating, terrorist-loving, Maoist, anti-family, pro-scum criminality is necessarily any of those things.
"He's got a face that screams 'arsehole' so loud it could very easily be confused with a Pokemon called Arsehole," said work and pensions committee chairman Frank Field MP.
The new PM referred to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson as a "vegetable", dubbed Jeremy Corbyn a "complete imbecile", and snogged a man in a Ronald Reagan mask.
Temperatures are expected to exceed around 100,000,000C, with locals warned to wear plenty of sun tan lotion and hide in the bathtub with a mattress on top of them.
Once they're done yammering away, MPs will decide whether to renew the penis-shaped nuclear arsenal, scrap it and sell it to the North Koreans or dump it on the Welsh.
The Skynet mainframe acts as a deterrent to foreign threats at the point of cyborg-spearheaded annihilation, as well as keeping the population in line.
Reliance on inoffensive topics has resulted in the increased popularity of vapid talking points, such as “whether Darth Vader is in the new Star Wars movie".
The Daily Belter 