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Smith and Corbyn pull out after Labour contest revealed as ‘not a gaffe-off’

Labour leadership rivals Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith have simultaneously dropped out of the contest, after being told it is actually “not a gaffe-off show”.

It was revealed the two combatants had, in fact, been jousting with one another to see who could make the biggest fool of themselves, which they argued was needed in politics.

It is the greatest sign of accord yet seen between the two politicians, who made a joint statement outside Labour’s headquarters in Newcastle upon Tyne.

Owen Smith said: “After attempting to bring some life back to politics, Jeremy and I have decided to step aside in the Labour leadership contest as it appears our attempts have not been welcomed by the Labour Party NEC.

“It has been fun, and I know Jeremy has enjoyed himself too, but now it appears we are wanted no longer.”

Corbyn stepped in and said: “Yes, thank you Owen. Yes, but what it does not cover is the serious gap in the equality of bus pass holders, and of the allocation of seating on city buses.

“As someone over the age of 65, I refuse to ever give up my seat to a woman with a buggy, or to someone seriously overweight.”

Corbyn stood back from the microphone, and the two rivals proceeded to nudge each other in the ribs with a twinkling smile and chuckles all around.

A letter from Labour’s National Executive Committee informed the Daily Belter of their decision: “It is with regret we have asked Jeremy and Owen to pull out of the Labour leadership contest.

“We realise this leaves a gaping hole in our leadership position, and in our chances of achieving electoral success, but all we can do is beg them: Please pull out.”

When we put these comments to the two contestants, Smith replied: “That’s what she said”, and Corbyn added: “I do not see how this has any bearing on safety in children’s swing parks.”

Smith has said the decision will give him more time to spend with his ISIS sweetheart Lionel, and Jeremy has, well, nothing specific to say on the matter.

About Ross Brannigan (32 Articles)
“It is worth ascending unexiting heights if for nothing else than to see the big ones from nearer their own level.” - Nan Shepherd

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