There are doubts about whether the only bubonic plague victim in the US should be president, particularly when she also has herpes, caught when she used Bill's toothbrush.
Ms Sturgeon implied that Brexit is so cataclysmically destructive it will distort the space-time continuum and regress our universe a decade during a terrifying speech.
The Daily Mail has admitted that not everything it claims as Britain-hating, terrorist-loving, Maoist, anti-family, pro-scum criminality is necessarily any of those things.
Theresa May sided with the Antichrist, due to the rough beast possessing the “unifying spirit” and “ruthless abandon” necessary to bring Britain together.
The new PM referred to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson as a "vegetable", dubbed Jeremy Corbyn a "complete imbecile", and snogged a man in a Ronald Reagan mask.
Once they're done yammering away, MPs will decide whether to renew the penis-shaped nuclear arsenal, scrap it and sell it to the North Koreans or dump it on the Welsh.
The Skynet mainframe acts as a deterrent to foreign threats at the point of cyborg-spearheaded annihilation, as well as keeping the population in line.
Roy Hodgson has revealed the Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn phoned him after England's dismal defeat against Iceland last night, offering him a place in his Shadow Cabinet.
Glastonbury has stunned the music world by announcing it has invited a rookie, untested progressive rock quartet called King Corbyn to headline its main stage.
The Daily Belter 