Not everything we call pro-terrorist is actually pro-terrorist, admits Daily Mail

The Daily Mail has admitted that not everything it claims as Britain-hating, terrorist-loving, Maoist, anti-family, pro-scum criminality is necessarily any of those things, and may in fact be either the complete opposite or just something else entirely.

It comes as the newspaper faces renewed scrutiny, having encouraged UK voters to go for Brexit on the grounds that it would result in immigrants vanishing into thin air and leaving in their wakes pots of gold with your name on it.

The Mail was roundly criticised for its headlines in the days after Britain’s vote to leave the EU, which included: ‘WHERE ARE THE POTS OF GOLD WE WERE PROMISED?’, ‘WE HAD IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY ALL THE IMMIGRANTS WOULD DISAPPEAR’, and ‘CAN WE STILL BE IMMIGRANTS OVER THERE?’

These frontpage splashes were followed up on the Mail Online, which produced handy content such as: ‘Our ten-step guide on WHAT TO DO now the pots of gold never arrived’, ‘What to do if you’ve ROBBED A POST OFFICE and want to settle in Spain but CAN’T BECAUSE BREXIT’, and, most, recently: ‘REVEALED: Laura Carter goes braless in defiance of Islamic terrorist thugs BACKED BY LABOUR’.

The paper’s most recent admission that it wasn’t always 100% right all of the time came after it incorrectly accused the Joseph Rowntree Charitable Trust of being a “pro-terrorist pro-paedophile charity”.

But a Mail spokesman was quick to point out that this did not mean the charity was in the clear for Princess Diana’s death.

“There’s still a ways to go on that score,” he said.

In the meantime, having achieved one of its major goals in helping to facilitate Brexit, the Mail will turn to its next big political objective – persuading Britain that Jeremy Corbyn is a gay cannibal.

Once that is done, a leaked strategy document suggests the Mail will next turn to convincing Brits to burn the NHS at the stake for being “a witch”.