Ms Sturgeon implied that Brexit is so cataclysmically destructive it will distort the space-time continuum and regress our universe a decade during a terrifying speech.
The impression was exacerbated when Farage claimed “most Americans haven't even heard of Romania” and that the US was “copying” his “people's revolution”.
Hammond said: "Sometimes we need a little helping hand getting over life's obstacles. We can repay this loan in three manageable steps; that's Wongability.”
The innovative new business model comes as the Guardian prepares to announce a record full-year pre-tax loss of £173 million - money which it could have otherwise used to feed starving African children.
The Daily Mail has admitted that not everything it claims as Britain-hating, terrorist-loving, Maoist, anti-family, pro-scum criminality is necessarily any of those things.
It comes hot on the heels of comments by Sir Nicholas Macpherson, former Treasury economist and indy opponent, who said last week: "If I were Scotland, I'd be like, 'fuck it'."
Today's survey showed that 64.2% of British people think that Mrs May should not not be able to continue unchecked, while 68.7% support the cessation of polls.
Journalists have sought to reassure members of the public that they are no happier with the situation than they are, but most can no longer speak in complete sentences due to sleep deprivation.
Cthulhu's campaign manager told the media at a press conference that he has the “integrity, patience and maritime supremacy” required to protect the United Kingdom's sovereignty.
Aliens have issued a stark warning to the Leave campaign as Brits head to the polls to decide between perpetual coverage of David Cameron high-fiving Jean-Claude
The Daily Belter 