News Ticker

Labour moderate realists to take “extreme, unrealistic” measures to oust Corbyn

An embarrassing memo being circulated among Labour moderates has been leaked to the press, calling for a range of “extreme, unrealistic” plots to topple the Labour leader.

The leaked e-mail began doing the rounds earlier this afternoon, and seems set to further polarise an already hugely divided pressure group.

Measures suggested include sneaking into Corbyn’s room while he sleeps and dipping his fingers in a glass of cold water, locking him into a cage match with Dan Jarvis, and lacing his kebabs with tabasco and urine.

The authors of the memo, a clique of Labour moderate realists, have come in for a storm of criticism since its leak. Pressed on the cruel, outlandish and completely unviable nature of many of the suggested measures, one source within the Labour moderates said:

“We honestly don’t know what’s gotten into us.”

Jeremy Corbyn was unavailable for comment, but a spokesperson from his office called the measures “completely unnecessary.”

About Dan Vevers (73 Articles)
Journalist, unpublished novelist and occasional swinger, politically speaking. Don't quote me on anything.

1 Trackback / Pingback

  1. Eagle’s flight leaves Smith & Corbyn to fight bore war – The Daily Belter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: