Cthulhu's campaign manager told the media at a press conference that he has the “integrity, patience and maritime supremacy” required to protect the United Kingdom's sovereignty.
Roy Hodgson has revealed the Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn phoned him after England's dismal defeat against Iceland last night, offering him a place in his Shadow Cabinet.
VisitBritain, the British Tourist Authority, has announced plans to reanimate the corpse of the former Princess of Wales as a cyborg in a bid to rejuvenate their faltering revenue.
The PM, who is under pressure to resign following the news he holds shares in an offshore account, said he had been approached by the stricken club, who currently face relegation.
Glastonbury has stunned the music world by announcing it has invited a rookie, untested progressive rock quartet called King Corbyn to headline its main stage.
Goldsmith has been accused of "scaremongering" and "patronising" London's Buddhist community after he claimed that only he could stop Labour giving them loads of stuff.
