Hammond said: "Sometimes we need a little helping hand getting over life's obstacles. We can repay this loan in three manageable steps; that's Wongability.”
The conventional Russian build up of soldiers, tanks and aircraft on Ukraine's borders has NATO smelling distinctly of urine, and occasionally Sugar Puffs.
The suspicious people of Glasgow have been left wondering "what's really going on" now that basic, operational public transport has returned to the city, "virtually overnight" and "without warning".
She was criticised for not confirming her love for a country by no means engulfed in civil disharmony and a nightmarish ideological spaghetti junction.
It follows a campaign steeped in exploitation that has included comparing Mexicans to white walkers and inviting Russia to post revenge porn of Clinton online.
Peaty, 21 in human years but 105 in fish years, told reporters he had heard his people calling him home through vibrational frequencies only merfolk and dolphins can perceive.
'Whoever smelt dealt it' was most frequently used by the creator of the odorous rectal outburst, validating the thesis 'whoever made the rhyme did the crime'.
Renowned blogger Bruce Wills-It called English “a throwback to a time when the Scots were given no voice” and “the equivalent to a reporter covering the black community being called David Uncle-Tom”.
A spokesperson told reporters that your mum tested well in surveys, with as much as 77% of voters answering “yes” to the question “do you love your mom?”
A leaked honours list drawn up by giant cumquat and former prime minister David Cameron has revealed his plans to give some kind of honour to pretty much everyone, but definitely not you.
This new attack comes despite condemnation, with Tim Kaine suggesting Trump has no empathy, and Republican adviser Randall Flagg shaking his head and saying “Jesus Christ, cool it.”
Maternity grants will be renamed 'best start grants' and funeral payments will be called 'best ending grants' to make people feel better about needing them.
The innovative new business model comes as the Guardian prepares to announce a record full-year pre-tax loss of £173 million - money which it could have otherwise used to feed starving African children.
Murphy refused to clarify whether he'd interviewed for any jobs, saying that he'd “love to go over that” with us then continually refusing to address the point.
The Daily Mail has admitted that not everything it claims as Britain-hating, terrorist-loving, Maoist, anti-family, pro-scum criminality is necessarily any of those things.
"He's got a face that screams 'arsehole' so loud it could very easily be confused with a Pokemon called Arsehole," said work and pensions committee chairman Frank Field MP.
Kaine cited Trump's failed businesses and products such as Trumpon Feminine Hygiene, the GR8 Trump Assault Rifle and his unsuccessful theme park Trumpland.
Captain Taylor Wentworth said: "Officers were led to believe Mr Kinsey was a sadistic sexual predator. In that respect, our officers did their job heroically."
Please don’t elect Donald Trump because the twentieth century was really tough-going for me and I was hoping for a breather, History has pleaded with US voters.
President Erdogan's government has moved to assure the international community that Turkey has not fallen into repression and tyranny while smiling cheerfully and making heavy use of emojis.
Theresa May sided with the Antichrist, due to the rough beast possessing the “unifying spirit” and “ruthless abandon” necessary to bring Britain together.
The Daily Belter 