Ms Sturgeon implied that Brexit is so cataclysmically destructive it will distort the space-time continuum and regress our universe a decade during a terrifying speech.
Olav was given to the Norwegian army, as part of a tradition of donating the country's best and brightest to our Norse masters, a throwback to the Viking era.
Initially the accident was believed to be caused by bad weather, despite the tug boat captain claiming “I done be seen the beast, beast she was and fangs up the clunge”.
The suspicious people of Glasgow have been left wondering "what's really going on" now that basic, operational public transport has returned to the city, "virtually overnight" and "without warning".
Maternity grants will be renamed 'best start grants' and funeral payments will be called 'best ending grants' to make people feel better about needing them.
Murphy refused to clarify whether he'd interviewed for any jobs, saying that he'd “love to go over that” with us then continually refusing to address the point.
Theresa May sided with the Antichrist, due to the rough beast possessing the “unifying spirit” and “ruthless abandon” necessary to bring Britain together.
The new PM referred to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson as a "vegetable", dubbed Jeremy Corbyn a "complete imbecile", and snogged a man in a Ronald Reagan mask.
After an ugly exchange, Mrs May said: “YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF MY NUKES, HALF-PINT!”, to which Mrs Sturgeon defiantly replied: “Goan make me, soft shite.”
Typical games include 'Pin The Tail on Whoever is Most Destroying the Indy Movement', 'New Media Weight Throw' and 'Guess the Wings Over Scotland Insult'.
The Daily Belter 