I will govern benevolently, threatens Sturgeon

Nicola Sturgeon has promised to govern consensually and to make no promises.

Speaking ahead of her official re-election by MSPs as First Minister tomorrow, the SNP leader also defiantly vowed to “persuade and unite”.

Sturgeon said: “I make no promises, but I promise to govern consensually, and I won’t take any lectures from potential future allies on how to do that.

“I will govern benevolently, and God help the opposition parties if I don’t.

“I will work to persuade and unite, and if people don’t like that, they can fuck off.”

She added in a menacing whisper: “And I will try wherever possible to avoid conflict.”

Asked by reporters if a future independence referendum had now been kicked into the long grass following her failure to secure a majority, the SNP leader threatened the assembled journalists with “profound agreement”.

Sturgeon was also asked if she would be willing to do deals with the Tories on issues like tax and standardised testing.

“As First Minister, I will be happy to find common ground with anyone, even the morally bankrupt Tories. I’ll deal with the toxic Labour party; I’ll compromise with the irrelevant Lib Dems. I’ll do these things happily.”

On a slightly more conciliatory note, she joked: “I don’t need to choke them with my own bare hands when they’ve already got enough rope to hang themselves.”