Overlord Ronaldo single-handedly wins EURO 2016 while sitting on arse Ronaldo orchestrated an impressive performance with genius techniques such as telling his underlings to score and holding their families at gunpoint. July 11, 2016
World rejoices as Emperor Cristiano Ronaldo hurts himself and cries Pitchside reporter Dale Carnoustie suggested that he had been struck in the Achilles' tendon by an arrow fired by a cowardly Trojan. July 10, 2016
Bizarre Marseille cult ritual disturbs as 64,000 attend twisted ceremony Prevalent accounts suggested this cult activity circled around elemental forces, with chants heard referencing 'Skorr' and 'Pfuknpaset'. July 8, 2016
Welsh dragon slain by Portuguese flotsam as vacuity of hope exposed Wales' manager, squad, fans and legion of illegitimate offspring will now have to go home as there's no more balls to foot and no more matches to game. July 7, 2016
Farage steps down as UKIP leader to take England job Farage stated: “We've brought the rocks cascading down the mountain and now we're doing a runner. You're not fucking laughing now, are you?” July 4, 2016
The Daily Belter 