Scots voters in record-low turnout due to crippling sense of deja vu

There are reports that Scottish polling stations are seeing record-low turnouts for today’s EU referendum due to a crippling sense of deja vu.

Other emotions Scots voters are said to be experiencing include confusion, bemusement and thirst.

But there have also been several reported instances of descents into complete madness.

Volunteer staff at a polling station in Glasgow’s East End said one man had come in to vote only to run away screaming: “IT’S JUST LIKE BEFORE! IT’S JUST LIKE BEFORE!”

Another woman in Inverness was apparently flummoxed upon seeing her ballot paper, but was unable to ask volunteers anything other than: “Saor Alba? Saor Alba? Saor Alba?”

She asked this repeatedly until the ambulance arrived.

A new poll has put the Remain camp on 55% and the Leave campaign on 45%.

A Dundee shopkeeper remarked of the poll: “This is the kind of thing that’s giving us all the willies.”