Kezia Dugdale would support independence if she was a hockey player, but not if she was an astronaut

Scottish Labour leader Kezia Dugdale has sought to bring clarity to her position on Scottish independence in a wide-ranging interview.

“There are obviously some scenarios where I could see myself backing independence,” said Dugdale. “For instance, if I was an Icelandic sculptor, or a spice collector.”

The interview comes after criticism from her own party on a lack of clarity over the constitutional question.

Dugdale said she would “probably” back independence:

• If she was a hockey player
• If Trainspotting 2 turns out really good
• If her dad asked really nicely
• Or if Jeremy Corbyn became Prime Minister

But the Scottish Labour leader emphasised her enduring belief in the Union, and said she would continue to oppose independence – especially:

• If she was an astronaut
• If she was a tennis player
• If she lost a game of high-stakes poker
• Or if all she ever ate was ham

Responding to the revelations on the Daily Politics, former Labour MP Tom Harris said “HNNNNNG” right before his head exploded, in distressing scenes.