Olav was given to the Norwegian army, as part of a tradition of donating the country's best and brightest to our Norse masters, a throwback to the Viking era.
Initially the accident was believed to be caused by bad weather, despite the tug boat captain claiming “I done be seen the beast, beast she was and fangs up the clunge”.
Maternity grants will be renamed 'best start grants' and funeral payments will be called 'best ending grants' to make people feel better about needing them.
Murphy refused to clarify whether he'd interviewed for any jobs, saying that he'd “love to go over that” with us then continually refusing to address the point.
The Daily Belter 