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Scottish Pandas leader resigns after loss to Conservatives

The leader of the Scottish Pandas Party has announced his resignation after a disastrous General Election saw the Conservatives secure thirteen seats, thus outnumbering the Pandas by almost seven-to-one.

Yang Guang spoke to reporters outside his home at Edinburgh Zoo, citing his failure to maintain a party pledge that there would “always be more Pandas in Scotland than Tory MPs” as his primary reason for stepping down.

In an emotional pre-prepared speech, Guang said that “eurgh eurgh ehhh ehhhhhh, ugh ugh eurgh eh eh uuooohh, grrrrr eugh oough eugggh eeeeehhhhh, eeeeeeuuuuurrrrgggghhhh.”

He added that his deputy and lover Tian Tian would be taking his place as leader of the party as they begin the process of rebuilding, stating that he had every faith in her “euuuoooh ehuhhhuuuh” and that she would bring the Pandas a greater “grrroooughuogh.”

It was a sad sub-plot to the General Election as a whole, and marks the second resignation of a domesticated wild animal as leader of a major party, after Paul Nuttall resigned from his position as UKIP leader earlier this morning.

About Scott Malcolm Patterson (83 Articles)
Writer. Reader. Some other stuff. Dissembling.

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