Ancient Scottish coin auction cancelled because it is ‘not legal tender’

The auction for a 12^th Century coin believed to be the oldest minted in Scotland has been cancelled after organisers received advice that it was “not legal tender”, and thus “only has any value as a missile to be thrown at referees”.

Dix Noonan Webb, an international coin specialist firm, had been set to put the item on sale and were expecting to receive bids between £8,000 and £12,000, but have announced that the auction has been called off after being told that it “wouldn’t be accepted” in most “reputable financial institutions” by advisers from Lloyd’s TSB.

The decision has sparked outrage amongst many in the historical community in Scotland, with a spokesman for Heritage Scotland saying that it was “just another example of Scottish tradition and culture being boiled down to indignant violence” before adding that “Dix Noonan Webb can get to fuck, if some cunt doesn’t burst them first”.

However, the financial advisers from Lloyd’s were quick to defend their decision, with CFO Charles Bonchester saying: “It’s nothing personal, shopkeepers won’t accept this coin and it’d be madness to trade it for thousands of good, honest, English pounds in these times of economic uncertainty.

“There’s a lot of talk about another independence referendum, so that’s another concern, because if you think it’s hard getting people to try taking Scottish money now, you should see how they like it once Hadrian’s gets fortified. Spare change, Nicky? Thought so. Don’t worry, you’ll get good use from it when the Old Firm kicks off again.”

A penny bearing the head of King David I of Scotland inside of a Celtic rune, the coin was likely made in the 1130s and 1140s and was discovered in a field in Durham by a metal detector user who asked to remain anonymous, meaning he’s probably Ian Huntley.

One side designates Edinburgh, while the other bears the markings of Carlisle, which at the time belonged to Scotland under the terms of Treaty of Durham, an agreement that expired in the following century, meaning England had to take the city back.