A huge leak of confidential information from offshore law firm and vintage port vineyard, Mossack Fonseca, has stunned the world, revealing that many of the globe’s financial and political elite are robbing bastards squirreling away billions like squirrels with nuts.
“They’re nutty, robbing, squirrelly bastards,” confirmed Owen Jones of the Guardian.
The world reacted in shock to the news, with a hashtag #ICantBelieveTheyWouldDoThis taking social media by storm in an outpouring of public grief.
The leaked documents, known as the Panama Papers, revealed that not only do loads of rich and powerful people avoid loads of tax, but that many indulge in “mad tax-avoidance sex orgy parties.”
These decadent orgies are notorious for “arse and pig play”, cocaine use and terrible smells of death in the morning.
A close relative of a sitting political leader is said to have been involved in one particularly “hardcore” session, but only “to hold David Cameron’s coat.”
A spokesman for Mossack Fonseca said:
“We should probably just stick to Fonseca in future.”