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David Coburn stands under lights for 60 minutes and doesn’t die

Ukip's David Coburn, who describes himself as "spectacularly homosexual"

UKIP MEP and trumpet, David Coburn, has confounded pundits and the medical profession by standing under an array of lights for an hour and not disintegrating.

For reasons that are not clear, Mr Coburn, despite health concerns, was invited by the BBC to stand next to six real politicians and pretend to talk about politics for 60 minutes.

“It was like waiting for an ice lolly to melt in the sun,” said a UKIP henchman. “But somehow he kept it all together, corporeally speaking at least.”

One irate studio audience member told the Daily Belter after the event:

“This is the exploitative BBC at their worst, taking a sick, vulnerable man and playing him for laughs. The BBC Comedy Unit should be ashamed of themselves.”

Coburn did gain some plaudits for his policy of “making everything like it used to be”, and spoke at long, moving, but long length about how his dad had been some kind of wizard.

A spokesman for the UKIP MEP said:

“From an audience perspective, Mr Coburn was on the far right podium. This is classic BBC left-wing bias. Of course, from the perspective of Glenn Campbell, Mr Coburn was on the far left podium, and that is an insult.

“Finally, in an attempt to actually murder Mr Coburn, the BBC had all their lights turned up to 11. You don’t need to light television. It’s a liberal myth.”

About Dan Vevers (73 Articles)
Journalist, unpublished novelist and occasional swinger, politically speaking. Don't quote me on anything.

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