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Trump ‘satisfied’ at Mexico’s poor show in pole vault

US presidential hopeful Donald Trump has said he is “satisfied” Mexico failed to win a medal in the pole vault at the Rio Olympics.

Trump was said to be anxious prior to the event, which took place yesterday, but was relieved to find no Mexicans had even qualified for the final event.

The businessman and megalomaniac was reportedly using the event as a benchmark on how high to build his wall, which would run alongside the border of Mexico and the USA.

Mr Trump’s spokesperson said: “Mr Trump is satisfied with this result, and believes it tells the world he is right in his choice of construction project to stem the flow of drugs, guns, rapists, and fajitas.

“He stresses the wall will still need to be 10 meters high, because incredible things can happen after you’ve taken cocaine.”

This last point was stressed after a Dutch athlete on marijuana came last in a heat of eight million other runners who were all dead, but who still claimed the gold medal in the final.

Trump is expected to give a speech at a rally in North Carolina on Thursday, and will impress upon the crowds the importance of observing sport events to guide policy.

About Ross Brannigan (32 Articles)
“It is worth ascending unexiting heights if for nothing else than to see the big ones from nearer their own level.” - Nan Shepherd

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