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Rover finds evidence of Haggis on Mars

The elusive Scottish Haggis has been the stuff of myth, legend and heated discussion in Scotland since time began. Now, it appears the creature does exist – on Mars.

Said to be the cross between a member of the Bee GeesĀ and a prickless hedgehog, the Haggis is believed to be thriving in the harsh climates of the Martian atmosphere.

The discovery was made at the Scottish DFMB (Deep-Fried Mars Bar) space laboratory in Stonehaven, by Dr Paul McFlurry, who was anxious to release the news to the press.

“This is a jaw-dropping discovery,” he said. “Quite remarkable. Somehow, the Scottish Haggis has managed to colonise Mars, purely through independent venture.

“We are unsure how the little blighters did it, but my God we want to find out.”

The DFMB Lab will be sending its newest craft on a mission to Mars, hoping to beat the Russians who say they have found Vladimir Putin’s honesty on the Red Planet.

What is being coined the “Great Chieftain o’ the Puddin'” race, Scotland is pitted against the Russians to be the first humans to reach Mars, both with their own missions.

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About Ross Brannigan (32 Articles)
"Even on the most exalted throne in the world we are only sitting on our own bottom" - Montaigne.

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