Glasgow City Council in pledge to “stop arsing everything up”

Glasgow Council leader Frank Macavity the Mystery Cat has promised to “stop arsing everything up like normal”, after it was brought to light that everything that could have been arsed up, had been arsed up.

The damning report from civic Scotland came only days after the revelations that Macavity regularly moonlighted as a camp, villainous feline.

At a hastily-arranged press conference, Macavity said:

“As with the unsubstantiated claims in the media that I am both bad, and a cat, all I can say to these allegations of arse-uppery is ‘miaow’.”