Kirkcaldy man in custody after declaring in local Greggs: “I have risen!”

Kirkcaldy residents were left stunned after an old man announced to a local Greggs that he had “risen”.

Perplexed onlookers said the man stood at the bakery’s entrance, bathed in light and arms aloft, before making the bold claim.

One witness, Thomas McDoughton, was unconvinced, telling reporters:

“Until someone can prove to me that he rose when he did, I will not believe.”

Local police were able to use an archaic byelaw that forbids blasphemy on Easter Sunday to detain the man. A spokesperson said they will detain him “for a couple of days at least, until he simmers doon.”

Upon his arrest, the mystery man protested to police that he had “saved the banks, saved the world and saved you from your sins.”

For legal reasons, we are not at liberty to divulge the identity of this man, but we can confirm that he was Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland from 27 June 2007 until until 11 May 2010.